Taste of a Poison Paradise
by HotaruKat
Summary: The wolves found Paradise, but is this new reality what they really wanted? Kiba wouldn't know, because he has no memory of being a wolf...until he sees shadows of the past, people he knows...or used to. (Formerly called Adagio's Refrain.)
1. The Mystery of Life

Disclaimer: I do not own Wolf's Rain, nor stand to make a profit from writing this.

Endings are wonderful inspiration, especially when they leave you wanting more.

What a mystery, to be alive,

and I wonder

if I'll ever leap inward to the root of this flesh

and know myself as I once was.

The root is there. Whether any act

can find it, remains tangled

in the future.

Everything was a blur to Kiba. He passed tall buildings and parked cars as people on the crowded streets became random shapes of impressionist color. His senses seemed dull. Why couldn't he remember?

How long had he been running? It seemed like forever. Or was it an instant? So many questions, so little time. He had to stop, needed to think, but his feet kept moving. A need to flee possessed him, or was it to find something? He ran into the random shapes. A woman yelled as he knocked a brown paper bag out of her arms. He could smell the oranges that broke as soon as they hit the pavement, and the rain, the rain he should have been able to hear as every drop it the earth. Why couldn't he hear? There was noise, but so mixed together it came to his ears only as the clatter of traffic.

Heavy air filled his aching lungs. This seemed so familiar, moving with no sense of where…but then he knew the why and the how. What happened to the smell of oranges? He was too far away from them now. The rain soaked his jacket and his brown hair, nearly blinding him as he ran the city blocks in a sprint. But, he was nearly blind anyway. His vision was so unclear he could barely see the traffic as he dodged cars in the street.

Another block down. Where was he going? This would have to stop soon; Kiba's lung's were burning, an unfamiliar sensation. How strange, since he assumed he had been running all his life. But his life was short; he could only remember the instant he started to run, which was…when?

Time was unimportant. He had to keep moving and find her. Find who? Why couldn't he hear the rain? Why couldn't he smell the oranges or the flowers that blossomed under the moon? Why didn't he know where he was?

Questions gnawed at him and he couldn't sense the danger as he ran straight into a street once again. Kiba couldn't process the motorcycle headed straight for him, the golden-eyed man cursing at him to get out of the way. The man seemed so familiar, Kiba was preoccupied with the questions again. The man came closer, deafening noise, so many words, so many eyes watching him now. Kiba's new insufficient human brain didn't know what to do. All it understood was the pain.

* * *

Toboe had seen Kiba run past him. He barely took notice of the strange, unknown man, since he was too busy picking out his new kitten. Tsume would be so pleased. Toboe thought his brother could use a new friend, and the little ball of fluff would be the perfect addition to their cozy household. Besides, how could he have left the poor thing in the street, all alone with no one to care of it? Toboe related to the parentless kitten.

Ever since their parents had died ten years ago, Tsume had taken care of Toboe. He had been so young then, barely able to remember the faces of his mother and father, and Tsume rarely talked about them. Toboe thought that bringing up the memories was too much for his cynical brother. He didn't mind not knowing about his lost family, he just wanted to keep Tsume happy and close to him.

Now, this little guy would need a name. He stared into sky blue eyes and saw his upside down reflection.

"I'll call you Moon," he told the kitten, holding it over his head. "because you're white and round like the moon." He twirled Moon around and then hugged him close. "We can call you Moony, too. You know, like Remus Lupin from Harry Potter? Do you like werewolves?"

Toboe unhappily got up and abandoned the rest of the kittens in the discarded fed-ex box to their fate. Tsume wouldn't want to start a zoo, and Toboe's brother would be getting home soon. Toboe trotted quickly in the direction of his apartment, avoiding the people who crowded the city street. When Moon distracted him with a sudden claw in the arm, however, he jerked and accidentally knocked someone's shoulder.

"Sorry!" He turned, to see the person he had bumped into. A guy in a baggy, yellow hoody looked back at him as he finished the rest of his hot dog. The two looked at each other, unable to turn away. Toboe felt a strange sense of knowing this person. Had he seen before? He tried to move closer. Toboe did know him, he had to.

Then, a beautiful black haired woman stepped out of the bookstore they stood in front of. She took the man's arm, placing her head on his shoulder, and led him down the street, away from Toboe. The man turned his head to look back, and Toboe stood frozen until the crowd pushed him to move.

Why couldn't he remember that man's name? Moon gave an annoyed meow.

"Sorry," Toboe now apologized to the cat. "You must be hungry."

He continued down the street, keeping better control of his movement. Sometimes he was so clumsy. At the cross light, he idly looked into the traffic, and saw Tsume, in his black ensemble, on his motorcycle barreling down the street.

"Hey Tsume!" Toboe waved to his brother, but the sound of Tsume's engine drowned any attempt at communication as he flew by. Oh well, Toboe thought, I'll see him in a couple minutes. Toboe picked up his pace to try and beat Tsume home. He wanted to surprise him with Moon.

As Toboe trotted over concrete, he didn't hear Tsume yell at the crazy person who ran into the street or the screech of tires as Tsume tried to stop in time. He only saw the commotion a block away, dozens of people flocking into a circle on the next corner. Toboe's stomach dropped, and he ran. Accidents happened all the time in the bustling city traffic, but he felt something. Tsume couldn't be hurt, the boy told himself.

After standing on the outskirts of the throng for a second, he slid his tiny form through the group of people. He pushed his way into the center, with Moon still in his arms yeoling unhappily.

Moon landed on his feet when Toboe dropped him.

Toboe was the next to fall. He slid to his knees as he saw his brother's body a few feet away from his motorcycle. The motorcycle pinned the body of another young man underneath it. That person…

The paramedics came and Toboe snapped back to reality before he could think about the safety of anyone other than his brother.

* * *

Kiba woke up and he felt numb. He turned his head slightly to take in surroundings. Unsurprisingly, he didn't know where he was. This, for some reason, didn't worry him much. He was strangely calm. He took in the stark white room, the steady beep of a machine, an open window with pink curtains that gently danced in the breeze. The light started to hurt his eyes.

The tranquil feeling was slipping away. He couldn't stay here; he needed to keep moving. He tried the simplest movement, to flex his hand, and met a stab of pain. There were things stuck in him, needles and tubes. Slowly, he began to hurt.

"I see you're awake."

Kiba started and became wary as he turned his head to the sound of a voice…a familiar voice. He closed his eyes at the pain that movement caused. When he opened them, a lovely blonde looked down at him. Her hair was messily tied into a bun at the back of her head, the strands hung around her face. As she spoke again, she took the glasses off her nose, and placed them on her head.

"You were in an accident. You ran into the street and into the path of a motorcycle." She took a flashlight out of her white coat pocket and shined it into his pupils. He flinched. "You're lucky because the driver noticed you in time and swerved out of the way. You only got hit with the sliding vehicle instead of head on." She turned the flashlight off and put it back in her pocket, taking out a pad of paper from another. "You only have a broken collar bone, and an array of cuts and bruises…" She put the note she wrote onto a clipboard at the end of the bed. "but, no brain damage or internal bleeding. You got lucky in this one. Do you understand where you are?"

"…yes. I'm in a hospital, recovering from an accident. " Kiba pushed all the questions away. He knew enough to know that hospitals were dangerous, especially if he couldn't remember his past. They could keep him here, when he had to move, needed to leave.

"Very good. I'll be back in a little bit to check how you are. If you have any problems, just press this button. It'll call a nurse."

Kiba watched the woman leave his little hospital room. He didn't know her name, but knew her voice, and gunfire, and flowers. And another voice. It called to him. He heard his name in a plaintive whisper.

"Kiba."

He responded by trying to wrench himself from the tubes that held him down. All of a sudden he knew he was looking for someone. He had to get up.

Kiba.

He successfully pulled the drip from his hand and was working on the heart monitors.

Kiba.

Almost free. He had to find her. It was a her, a perfect her with a voice like moonbeams passing through silver clouds.

"You have to stay calm!" The new voice hurt his head, rough, loud.

Hands pushed him down, and the pain came back. He yelled. More came. Straps encircled his body and his arms were pinned to his sides.

Kiba, please help me.

All his strength couldn't break them. He should be able to break them, why couldn't he?

"I have to find her!" he yelled, again.

The blonde woman rushed into the room in a flurry of white.

"Please, help me find her!"

"Shhhhh." She soothed and ran a hand through his hair before a stinging pain jabbed his right arm.

Everything became blurry again, but he wasn't running.

He was falling.

Kiba, I'm sorry. Sleep now,the quiet voice said.

So, he slept.

* * *

Tsume looked down at the schmuk who had run into the street like an idiot. The prick on the hospital bed was pretty like a girl, with longish hair and delicate features. Why anyone would choose to look like that, he didn't know. But, people can't really choose how they look he thought idly…

Anyway, he wanted to beat some sense into him. This person had caused too much trouble for his emotional little brother. He tightened his grip on Toboe's hand. Toboe hadn't left Tsume's side, since he had been put in the ambulance. Luckily, he hadn't required any surgery with only a fractured left wrist. (He didn't count the numerous cuts he had from rolling on the concrete.) Tsume had a mind to sue the bastard.

But, Toboe would never permit that. He had been the one to make Tsume see him. Sometimes Tsume wondered were the boy got his soft streak. But, Toboe had said he wanted to see this bastard. (Though, he hadn't used that kind of language.) Something in his little brother's eyes had told Tsume this was very important to him, so he had relented.

And the sleeping form covered in scrapes softened his anger… a little. You couldn't be totally mad at the crazy ones. But, Toboe probably wouldn't let Tsume ride his motorcycle for a while. The squirt had been on his back about it for a long time. And now, thanks to that idiot on the bed, Tsume had to listen to his little brother. (His motorcycle had been badly damaged, anyway.)

"He looks so peaceful."

Tsume looked down at his brother, who pulled them closer to the bed.

"That's what happens when they fill you with painkillers."

Toboe cast Tsume a worried look.

"I'm fine," he stated matter of factly.

Toboe resumed his examination. "I wonder why he did that."

"What?"

"Ran into the street, like nothing mattered."

Tsume bit back a response involving some people's wish to kill themselves. He didn't think the situation needed it. He kept silent instead and adjusted his sling.

"I saw him before he did it. He was just running." Toboe leaned over the edge of the bed, inches away from the pale face, as if trying to sense an answer.

Instead, dark blue eyes flicked open and Toboe jumped two feet backward. Tsume rushed to his side, defensively shielding his brother with his good arm.

"Nurse," he yelled. A plump old woman came in. "He's awake, again."

"Oh, I'll get the doctor."

The two stared at each other. Golden eyes glared at hazy blue. The boy on the bed made no effort to move, just kept looking. What was he doing? Tsume finally averted his gaze from the invalid's chilling stare and asked his brother if he was alright.

"I'm fine," Toboe said shakily.

"Who are you?"

Tsume jumped at the quiet question. He pushed Toboe towards the door and stepped toward the bed.

With a perfect snarl, he said, "The person who almost killed you, moron."

Toboe was at the bedside in a second. "I'm sorry, he didn't mean it like that."

The pretty boy looked uncomprehendingly at Tsume's little brother, then gave him that deep look he had given Tsume. Tsume placed a protective hand on Toboe's shoulder and leaned down.

"Don't try any creepy shit on my brother."

"He's your brother?" The question made it seem as if the two had known each other forever, and the boy was trying to hide his surprise at a newly revealed secret.

"Yeah, he is. Runt, let's get out of here."

"We can't just leave him here by himself."

"Fine. Where the hell is the doctor?!" Tsume yelled into the hall.

"Right here, sorry for the delay." A beautiful blonde woman came in and Tsume sucked in his breath. He hated making bad impressions with pretty women. (It happened a lot.)

"Now, are you feeling better?" She ignored the two brothers. "You had a bad reaction with the drugs we gave you to help your blood clot. Your painkillers also weren't strong enough, so we had to sedate you for your own well being." She glanced at Tsume. "You can leave now. We don't need a detrimental presence to a patient."

"Hey, he's the one…"

Toboe cut Tsume off. "I'm sorry, we were just worried for him. I don't like anyone getting hurt."

The doctor smiled warmly at Toboe. "That's a very nice sentiment, but this boy…" she turned to the patient, "I'm sorry, we don't even know your name."

He looked at the group standing next to him with wide, unknowing eyes.

"Kiba," he said finally.

"As I was saying, Kiba needs to rest and then go home…"

"I don't have a home."

Everyone turned to him. Tsume snorted, what a prick, making people feel worse for him.

"What do you mean?" Toboe sounded like he might cry. God, this was going to get ugly.

"I…moved here today, and was just looking for an apartment. I move around a lot." Kiba shifted.

"I'm sorry," said the doctor, "But you can't stay here. You're well enough to be released tonight." She got the clipboard from the end of the bed again. "In fact, here are your release papers for you to look over."

Kiba grabbed them and read them.

"Can I leave now?"

"You'll need to sign a waver…"

"Just tell me where."

* * *

Now, he could leave. He could move.

Kiba put on his brown jacket, which was torn and dirty, his clothes had gotten a beating in the accident. He combed his hair out of his face and flinched. He used his other arm to finish the job.

As he stepped out from behind the privacy curtain, the doctor was there again.

"You should really keep your movement to a minimum, while you heal. Pain is your body's way of telling you to keep still while it repairs itself." She seemed genuinely worried for him. She blocked the door.

This didn't seem to worry the doctor, as she hesitated. Finally, she spoke again. "I'm the resident psychologist on staff, and though we can't hold you here for your actions…if you ever need some help, feel free to ask. Just ask for Chere." With that she stepped out of his way.

Kiba needed more help than he knew she could give. How did he know her? Chere. Her perfume smelled like roses, but he associated her with a different scent. What were those flowers?

He stepped through the door, and found the two brothers waiting for him in the hall. The tall white haired one was frowning, as if he had just lost an argument.

"Hi, again! I'm Toboe and this is my older brother Tsume." The child's smile was so endearing as he hopped over to introduce himself. For the first time in his memory, Kiba felt protective over someone he didn't know. But, didn't he know the young boy? And the older one too? Were they even brothers?

But, the questions stopped as soon as he could hear the voice again. She was calling him. It was louder now that he was out of the fog of drugs. Where was it coming from?

"Are you okay?"

Kiba looked down at Toboe. "I'm fine. I'm sorry to have caused you trouble."

Kiba tried to follow the voice, and the group started walking. Tsume kept a distance, like he was avoiding a disease. "Oh, it's okay. It wasn't totally your fault," Toboe replied. Tsume snorted.

"Well…I have to get going. Sorry again." He was outside now. The trees on the hospital lawn cast dancing shadows on the pavement. He could run and find her, but the voice had gone silent again. Why couldn't he hear? It had been so loud before, like she was next to him. Who was she?

And these people seemed so familiar. Who were they? They were being so kind, at least the little one was. And that seemed normal too.

Suddenly, Kiba saw flashes. A large cross scar, caused by betrayal. Golden earrings, a knife. A silver bracelet. It jangled every time they ran. Where were they running? Why were they together? Memories flickered like a candle and went out.

He snapped out of his reverie and looked at the two again. Tsume wore his regular look of disdain and Toboe had that usual look of quiet compassion. How did he know their faces?

"Kiba, would you like to stay with us for awhile?" The question, so simple, was added to the list that kept running through Kiba's head. Stay with them? Keep moving? Where was she? Who was she?

"Just for a couple days, until you find your own place." Why couldn't he smell the flowers that lined the sidewalk?

"What do you think?" Why couldn't he remember?

Kiba looked at the two brothers unable to decide between the urge to run or the need to stay and remember who these people were. Toboe, so hopeful, and Tsume so resentful.

"That would be…great," Kiba said at last.

The quiet voice began to sing to him, again. Her tune soothed Kiba, as he followed his new companions.

Why couldn't they hear her too?

To be continued…

Please review.


	2. Bitter Dreams

Under the stars,

everything seems so clear

as the full moon burns away all doubt

I had before I met you.

Then you were gone,

and everything became a shadow

beneath the uncaring sun.

-----------------------

Tsume wondered how he had gotten into this mess. Less than twenty four hours ago, he had almost run someone over after they ran into the street. Now, this Kiba fellow, fresh from the hospital with a broken collarbone, was staying with them! God, sometimes he resented the persuasive powers his brother held over him. Tsume let the runt do almost anything he wanted. (Although Toboe rarely made mistakes in judgement.)

His brother was still far too kind for Tsume's taste sometimes. This just seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. He watched Toboe pull out the mattress from the couch in the living room and gather blankets from the hall closet. The whole time, Kiba just stood in the doorway watching him, with this blank look. Maybe the look wasn't blank, exactly, but more like a confused and knowing look at the same time. Kiba also seemed like he wanted to leave, but something was making him stay.

How someone could have such opposite appearances, Tsume didn't know. This Kiba person was way too strange. For all they knew, he was a homicidal maniac.

"Tsume." Tsume jumped and nearly dropped his mug of coffee on the kitchen floor.

"Sorry," Toboe said as he grabbed a paper towel and mopped up some spilt coffee from the table. "but, do you know where the extra pillows are?"

"I don't like this, Runt." Might as well try again, he thought.

Suddenly, Toboe flopped onto the chair across from Tsume and put his head down on the wooden table. Tsume nearly got up to see what was wrong, but his brother spoke softly into the table.

"I don't know why I'm doing this," he said into the wood grain. "I just feel…I just feel…"

"Toboe, are you okay?" If this situation was making him upset, Tsume would put a finish to it quickly. (Though, it had been his brother's idea in the first place.)

But, Toboe straightened up, crossed his arms in front of him, and looked Tsume straight in the eye. "I just feel something strange when I look at him."

What was that supposed to mean? Tsume immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion.

"Hey, I know he's pretty…for a guy…but you're only fifteen, and you don't even know him," Tsume said slowly. "Besides…I didn't think you…drove on that side of the road…" By the time Tsume was finished, Toboe was giving him a splendid glare.

"Not _that _kind of something, stupid. Yeesh."

Tsume started to get angry. How was he supposed to see into his little brother's head? "Why don't you explain it to me then, Runt? What the hell would make you want to invite a perfect stranger into our apartment?" He leaned across the table and glared at Toboe.

All anger was gone from the boy's face. Toboe leaned over the table, so that Tsume could hear his whisper. "…I think I know him," he said with a frightened look.

Tsume shrugged off his little brother's explanation and waved him away. "_I_ think you should take care of our guest before he steals something."

Toboe looked stricken for a second, then regained his composure and left Tsume alone in the kitchen. Tsume wondered why the runt would have said something so stupid. Obviously, they didn't know this person. Kiba had only been here for a day by his own account. Maybe Kiba was playing some sort of head game with the boy. If he tried anything funny, Tsume would kick him out in a heartbeat.

_He_ had no remembrance of ever meeting Kiba, and that meant Toboe had never met him, either.

--------------------

Kiba straightened from leaning on the door when Toboe came back in from the kitchen.

"There should be an extra pillow in my closet, and I'll find you something to change into. I'll be back in a minute…Feel free to sit down."

He took the boy's invitation and moved to the bed that had been made for him. Slowly, he lowered himself onto the dark blue comforter covered with stars and crescent moons. The living room Kiba was sitting in was fairly large. To the left, Kiba saw the hallway, which led to the bathroom and the two brother's rooms. To the right was the kitchen. Tsume sat in there, drinking from a steaming mug, glaring at him like usual.

Kiba averted his gaze quickly, and looked straight in front of him. The door. It was so close. In five steps Kiba could be outside again. Running. He could find her.

They call this one Chesa.Kiba looked at Tsume to see if he had heard the quiet voice, which spoke in his mind about every ten minutes. She said different things, about moonflowers and paradise and wolves.

Kiba thought he was going insane.

This voice was talking to him, telling him he needed to find her. Chesa. Kiba needed to find Chesa.

Now, she was just starting singly softly again, a tune that made his heart want to melt. At least the little voice inside his head wasn't telling him to kill anybody. But it wasn't his imagination…This voice belonged to a real person. Kiba knew it for sure.

He slumped backwards onto the bed, spreading out his uninjured arm as he looked at the ceiling. Tiny cracks looked like little rivers snaking their way across the white countryside. Slowly, Kiba kicked of his shoes. Staying still was nice. He realized he didn't like running. If he didn't have to run, he didn't want to.

Her song was so soothing. She wanted him to stay. He could tell.

Kiba needs his restChesa said softly in the back of his head after her song finished.

But, Kiba pushed himself back up into a sitting position to think some more. His legs hung limply off the side of the bed above dirty sneakers, and his shoulder hurt. Why couldn't he remember anything before this morning?

This one will tell you soon.

Kiba smiled to himself. He could wait, if she wanted him to. Everything was clearer now that Chesa calmed him. Even if nothing made sense, she did.

A loud clatter noise came from the kitchen, and Kiba looked over to Tsume, who had dropped his dishes in the sink. The two were caught in another stare down. There were no malicious feelings, just a tension. Kiba felt the tug. Why didn't Tsume seem to notice? He just went back to cleaning the counter as if he felt nothing.

"What do you have against me?" Kiba asked loudly.

Tsume ignored him for a minute. "Sorry I don't trust crazy people who run into the street and then expect to be taken in."

"You didn't have to…"

"Yes I did," Tsume replied shortly and walked out of the kitchen, through the living room, and into his room. The door slammed just as Toboe came in from the hall carrying a bundle of pillows and clothing.

"Don't mind him," he said smiling. Kiba could tell it was a forced smile. "He gets grumpy sometimes." Toboe put the pillow down on the end of the bed and handed Kiba an old t-shirt and pajama pants. "They're Tsume's…he won't mind."

Kiba took the clothing with a thank you.

"You're welcome. It's almost ten thirty, so I'm going to go to bed. Bathroom's down the hall. Tsume gets up at seven to go to work…I think that's all you need to know. Oh, I don't have school tomorrow because it's Saturday. I'll show you around the city a little…Are you sure you've never been here before?"

Kiba snapped out of a little reverie he had gone into while listening to Toboe's monologue. "…I don't think so."

"Oh," Toboe looked slightly embarrassed.

"Why?" Kiba was hopeful. Maybe Toboe knew something about his past.

"I was just wondering," Toboe lied.

"Oh," Kiba looked at the floor.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning, then."

"Good night," Kiba whispered.

Good night, Kiba.

-----------------------------

Kiba was a wolf, a beautiful, white wolf, and he was running through snow. There was no cold, just the warmth of his fur. He could see everything, hear everything. There were birds high above him, circling around the full moon. Falcons, he could hear their screams.

And, he knew where he was going. Paradise. The idea, so abstract, kept running through his mind. He smelled the flowers again, moonflowers, and heard her voice. Chesa sang to him as he remembered his true self.

Then, the other wolves were with him. Four of them, including him, ran through the snow, leaving scattered footprints in their wake. The bracelet jangled, getting softer and softer as the smallest got farther behind.

Kiba stopped, waited. He was in a hurry, but they mattered more. The grey wolf looked aggravated. He pawed the snow and barked for the others to hurry up. He circled Kiba, impatiently. The cross scar on the wolf's chest came in and out of his vision.

The little brown wolf finally arrived, but one was still missing. The snow became heavier. Kiba howled. There was no response. The blizzard surrounded them. Why wasn't the last of them here?

Chesa stopped singing.

Slowly, sinister laughter reached Kiba's ears. He turned, but the snow was so thick. He couldn't see. The laughter became louder and grey wolf growled as the little one whimpered, tail between his legs.

"Who's there?!" Kiba yelled. He was naked in the snow now, a human again. The other wolves were gone.

"You'll know soon." The low voice growled. A wolf screamed in pain.

----------------------------

"HIGE!!"

Kiba pushed the covers off himself as he sat upright. He had had a dream. His first dream. But, this had been more…What had he said?

A name. The name of the lost wolf. And suddenly, Kiba knew the names of the other wolves. Toboe. Tsume.

Rays of white light made their way through the open curtains, blinding him. Kiba shielded his eyes for a second, then got up and padded to the window. Everything was still a mess in his head. Wolves and snow. Wolves and snow. Where was Chesa?

The moon was full outside, a single beacon in the black sky. His hand crept to the blinds to close them, but it stopped short. He just stood still, taking in the rays. Everything had just started to make sense, but the dream was fading faster than the melting snow. Wolves. Was he a wolf in human clothing? It had all seemed so real. He could have tasted the snowflakes as they fell, but Chesa wasn't saying anything.

Kiba started to pace back and forth in his little patch of moonlight. Somehow, it felt invigorating, just basking in the cold light, but that was of little importance, now. He had been thinking about Paradise, running to find it, his purpose in life, his dream. But, hadn't he found it already? Chesa had bloomed, so many flowers.

But, this was a filthy city. Was this the Paradise he had been looking for?

Had he been a wolf?

Where was Chesa?

There had been a man in his dream. Was it a man, or a wolf? He couldn't remember.

The flickering candle of his memory erupted, sending him flashes of unsequenced images and Kiba wept at the inability to put them together. Blue eyes. Pink eyes. Yellow eyes. Humans. Wolves. Moonflowers. The moon that floated in the sky right outside the apartment.

Slowly, he slid to his knees, facing the window and looked blankly at the wall underneath. Kiba leaned his forehead against the cool then forcefully knocked his head on it. Again. He had to remember. Why couldn't he see through the snow? Again. The other wolves, Toboe and Tsume, were they the people he was staying with, or was he just putting their names on the two wolves in his dream? Again.

It didn't even hurt when he punched the wall with his fist. Kiba traced the indentation he had made with his fingertips. He wanted to hear Chesa's voice, for her to explain his past, to put together the puzzle pieces of memory. She wasn't with him. He had gotten so used to her presence.

He had been a wolf, once. He was certain, now, as his head hit the wall for the fifth time. That was the only explanation he could come up with on his own, but it seemed so inadequate to explain what he wanted to know. A tiny drop of blood ran down his nose and onto his lips. Kiba licked the metallic tang away.

Kiba wiped the rest of the blood from the scratch away with his arm, and looked at the streak of red. This body was a shell, a mere memory of the glory it had once contained. He was no wolf now, only human. Only human. Kiba turned around and looked into the slightly illuminated room. His eyes could barely make out the outlines of the bed, or the location of the door he desparately wanted to run through to find her. And the flashes came again.

Pain. So much pain. He had been shot, stabbed, cut. His white fur was stained red. Things had been put in him to take his blood. And the others suffered as well….They had died. For Paradise. For him.

Still, Chesa didn't speak.

"Where are you?" Kiba whispered plaintively and stretched his hand into the dark. He quickly retracted it and put his arms around his knees as he tucked them under his chin. Thankfully, Kiba's shoulder didn't hurt anymore.

But, his head was filled with memories he couldn't understand. He could see Tsume. They were fighting. Kiba was disgusted at the human guise the other wolf wore. So many pictures. The channels kept changing. Now he saw Chesa, felt her arms around his neck as they met for the first time.

Kiba fell asleep with the memory of their first embrace.

----------------------------

Toboe found Kiba sleeping in the corner the next morning. He had no idea how Tsume could have missed the man huddled in a little ball under the window, but sometimes Tsume was very late for work and just left the house without a second thought.

The boy didn't know what to do. There was dried blood on Kiba's left arm, probably from the small gash he had on his forehead. And, to Toboe's horror, there was a circle of crimson on the wall next to Kiba, above a sizable dent. The teenager decided to back away slowly before the strange picture before him precluded all his rational thinking.

Toboe headed for the kitchen and started the coffee maker. The smell cleared his still groggy mind; he had gotten up early for a Saturday, at 8:00, so Kiba wouldn't wake up alone. Since Toboe felt uneasy about his guest for the first time, he opened a drawer under the microwave and grabbed Tsume's hunting knife, just incase. Toboe sat down at the kitchen table and waited for the coffee to finish. He slipped the knife into one of his cargo pockets.

When Toboe finally started to drink from his warm mug, he regretted taking the knife out. The scene in the living room hadn't really diminished his sense of trust in Kiba, even though he didn't know him at all. Sometimes you just had to believe in the good in people. (Toboe did it a lot with Tsume.) But, this was different. He had never seen Kiba before…but he knew he had.

Toboe listened to the rustles in the living room as Kiba woke up. He waited patiently for his guest to come into the kitchen, but after ten minutes, he popped his head out to see what was going on.

Kiba immedieately turned and hid his arm behind his back. Toboe flinched.

"We have antiseptic for that scratch on your head…Do you want to take a shower?"

Kiba flushed and slowly nodded.

"Towels are on the top shelf of the closet. There should be plenty of hot water."

Toboe went back into the kitchen. For some strange reason, he wasn't worried about the crazy person in his house. He was alone with a person, who had obviously just viciously hurt himself the night before, and then slept on the floor in the fetal position. But, Toboe continued to sip at his coffee as if nothing mattered. He just felt an overwhelming sense of eagerness to help his guest. The sun was out, and he couldn't wait to show Kiba around the city.

Toboe had finished his coffee by the time Kiba silently came in, rubbing a towel over his damp hair. Toboe was up in a flash and serving him as soon as he sat down.

"I thought I'd help you look for a place today…not that we want to kick you out or anything."

Kiba just stared into his cup. Toboe sighed. This was very awkward. He wanted to talk to Kiba, figure things out, but he was so embarrassed. Toboe wasn't one to push.

Finally Kiba broke the silence with a whisper. "Do you remember me?"

"But…but you said you had never been here before."

"I haven't."

"Then how could I have seen you before?" Toboe wouldn't admit anything and seem crazier than the person across the table from him.

"We met…before."

"Before what?"

"Paradise," he whispered and glanced at Toboe to gage a reaction.

The boy kept his face still, but his heart leaped. The mention of that word gave him so much hope. Why?

"Who are you?" Toboe asked letting his emotions show.

"I don't know."

"What do you…"

Kiba stared down at the table again. "I had a dream. I was a wolf. There were others wolves with me, running in the snow…you were one of them."

"I don't…"

"We were looking for Paradise. Chesa was singing then she stopped. I haven't heard her since."

"Who is…"

"There was a dark person…and Hige…He was hurting Hige."

"Hige?" Toboe thought of the person he saw on the street the other day, but shrugged it off.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I trust you," Toboe said with full conviction. Then, he got up, and cleared his empty coffee mug from the table. At the sink, he paused for a minute, unsure of what to do next. Once again, he was unsure why he implicitly trusted the strange man sitting at the kitchen table, but he did. Toboe wouldn't bother Kiba about his strange midnight behavior, just be supportive until both of them could figure things out. He turned around.

"We'll go to the library today, see if we can find anything remotely relating to your dream."

"Thank you," Kiba whispered with a look of utter gratitude.

"That's what friends are for." Toboe had an urge to give Kiba a hug, but quelched it. Things were going well, and he didn't want to ruin the bond they had just formed. "Anytime you're ready to leave, we can go."

"Now."


	3. Flood of Memories

Thanks to everyone who is reading this and Happy Thanksgiving!

And, I don't own Wolf's Rain.

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What happens when the floodgates

of our true memories

are opened?

Do we drown in the rush of dreams

or float on surface

as far away from the truth as possible?

How can a tadpole recognize

reality from fantasy?

He can't swim in the right direction,

against the current of his doubts.

--------------------

Tsume usually didn't remember his dreams. He often used to wake in the middle of the night from a ghoulish nightmare, so real that his body was covered in cold sweat. But, the terror always faded as soon as his eyes opened as necessity conditioned him to forget the images that plagued his sleep from childhood.

Today, however, was different. Today, he couldn't shake the dreams he had had the night before. They followed him out of bed, through the door, and on the street, and Tsume couldn't understand the pictures that ran through his head, as detailed as real memories but so unordered. Everything was chaos.

And, it all started with that goddamn dream.

He was a wolf, grey as the cloudy sky. The wind whipped snowflakes at him as he ran, and the moon cast the only sliver of light from a black sky. He caught up to a white wolf. His leader. And they ran together, until the others started to fall behind. Impatience. They had to keep moving, but the white wolf held his ground.

A small, brown wolf arrived, still a pup, a runt. He needed protection. But, the other was too far away to even hear Tsume's call. And then the man spoke and everything went black.

Tsume tripped over uneven sidewalk as the dream filled his mind once again. And even though the rational part of his mind waged war against him, everything seemed so right in the fantasy. He wished he could sleep forever, just to stay that way. Running. Strength surged through him and fatigue was an unknown feeling. God, Tsume wanted to be a wolf.

And that thought made him pound his head with an open palm. Stupid. Stop being stupid. But, as soon as Tsume became his usual, coldly rational self, the dream reappeared with all the sensations of freedom. Running. Strength. Hope. Paradise.

The dream inevitably opened the path for other dream-memories, as Tsume continued to walk blindly down the crowded city street. The only things he could see were the other wolves. Toboe. He met Toboe for the first time. Acted so cold. All the runt wanted was a companion. All either of them wanted was a companion.

But, Kiba was the wolf he really met first. Fighting. Tsume hunted with humans, acted like a human, and it made him sick.

Stop. Stop. STOP!

Indifferent people walked by as Tsume leaned against a parked car, trying to push away the visions. Where was he going? Paradise?

No, he was walking…the city…his job.

There was no way in hell Tsume could go to work today. He was going insane. Maybe it was all the stress…or maybe some crazybugs had rubbed off of Kiba…

Kiba! That son of a bitch had to be behind this somehow. He was messing with his mind!

Fuck work. Tsume needed to go home and get this crap out of his head, with force if necessary. He'd kill Kiba to get this to stop. These false memories of being a wolf had to stop because Tsume was starting to become used to them. That thought frightened him.

Remembering his own death, frightened Tsume, most of all.

-------------------

The sun burned Kiba's eyes. It seemed too bright. He wanted to be under the moon again, under milky light as soft as silk. But, necessity called him into the day.

He had to find Chesa.

She was still gone. Everything was silent, only the questions that ran through his head made any noise against his own thoughts. Where was he going? A library. Kiba glanced at the boy who was pulling him by the arm through masses of people on the street. Toboe was so full of life.

It was nice to see him alive.

But, why would Toboe be dead? Kiba still couldn't make sense of any of his memories, but he longed to stay with the boy, and Tsume too for that matter. If only he could find Chesa. A sense stronger than longing tied him to her. They were tied by fate.

And he was fated to lose his happiness again. Kiba had to lose everything for Paradise.

As the sun passed behind a cloud, Kiba stopped moving. He stood next to a decrepit tree forced to grow in the middle of a concrete jungle, and decided he didn't need Paradise. Nothing was worth losing them again.

He remembered loss. All of them died. Even the people he barely knew…touching their lives had caused them pain as well. The young man lost his love to the ice, the woman with blonde hair, the woman who worked at the hospital. Kiba barely felt surprise that another person from his former life should reappear here. For some reason, he associated her with Chesa. The flower maiden and her keeper were linked…

But, he would not seek Chere out for answers. That would only cause more death.

"Kiba, what's the matter?"

Ah, Toboe again. Toboe would have to die too. Only the white wolf could make it to Paradise…and even he had died in the end. The price of heaven needed to be paid in blood.

"How much are you willing to sacrifice, Toboe?" Kiba needed to know. All Toboe had to say was that he was afraid. Then, Kiba could send him away. Kiba would cut the strings of his past and unravel the tapestry forming for a new future. The tapestry was colored red.

"Everything." The boy's firmness made Kiba want to howl in anguish. Toboe knew so little about what was to come, and Kiba had to keep him at his side. It was meant to be. The shackles of fate bound them together as well.

It had been easier before, when they barely knew each other, lone wolves drawn together by the scent of moonflowers. But, now…now, Kiba felt all the compassion of a human. His weak mind didn't want to see the clear picture, the final ending of perfection. Kiba could only feel his affection for the young boy. Maybe they could reach Paradise together…

"I'm not afraid, Kiba. I know whatever we're doing…it's something right, something we have to do. This Paradise…I want to go there."

Kiba searched the amber eyes looking up at him. "Then, we'll get to Paradise together. I promise."

And as Toboe burst into a smile and continued to lead him through the maze of skyscrapers, Kiba chided himself for making promises he couldn't fulfill.

----------------------

Toboe's feet hurt, but he continued to walk as fast as possible. He would get to Paradise…whatever Paradise was. It sounded so right and so familiar. And, as the boy pulled Kiba along, he felt no fear about the future…or from the past. Toboe couldn't remember anything.

So, he went along in peaceful ignorance. It was about ten blocks to the main library of the city, and the pair nearly ran the whole distance. Toboe could see the library, now. Massive granite steps lead up to an entrance gate guarded by stone lions. He used to love sitting in the shadow of one of the beasts and reading his favorite book, but today there was important business to take care of.

Toboe galloped up the stairs with Kiba in tow. At the top, they stopped for a second to admire the view of the street below. But, Toboe wanted to keep moving, so he pulled Kiba past one of the sitting giants.

Where are you going?

Toboe stopped and Kiba nearly fell on him.

"Is something wrong?" Kiba adjusted his jacket and looked at Toboe with concern.

"Didn't you just hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Uhhh…nevermind. Let's go." Tip-toeing past the statue, Toboe crept along its base.

You left me behind before, don't do it again.

Toboe started and whipped around to Kiba. "You must have heard that!"

Kiba was trying to hide his concern. "I really don't know what you are talking about."

Toboe looked around and up at the face of the open-mouthed lion. Could it have…

Down here.Toboe looked down.

And at his feet sat Moon, slightly dirtier than at their first encounter but identifiable nonetheless. Toboe was delighted that he had found Moon (he had totally forgotten about the kitten) and then the realization that a cat was talking to him sank in.

"…Kiba." Kiba was looking back and forth between Toboe and the large mahogany library doors. He stopped his repetitive head motion to gaze at Toboe.

"Maybe we should go back.," Kiba said. "I don't want to make you help me."

"No…it's not that…I think…I think Moon is talking to me."

"Who's Moon?"

Toboe pointed down with a frightened expression.

Kiba did a double take.

"…I see. What's he saying?"

"Basically that he doesn't want me to leave again."

"So…you've met this cat before?"

"Yeah."

Kiba bent down and scooped Moon up. "Then we'll just have to bring him with us."

Thank goodness someone cares about the well being of the pet population around here.

Toboe rubbed his head. What was going on? Kiba pulled his jacket around the cat to hide it from view as they entered the library. The smell of decaying books bombarded them two steps into the old building. The library wasn't used very often, but hundreds of bookshelves lined the walls. Computers had taken most people who wanted to do research away, but Toboe was adamant about the importance of using real sources.

"Where do we start?" Kiba looked at Toboe uncertainly.

"I was hoping you could help in that department. I was thinking looking some stuff up about dreams, like the own you had last night…or about Cheza? Or we could even look up some things about wolves…" Toboe waved his hand at the numerous possibilities.

You might want to try something about the Book of Red Moon.

"What do you mean?" Toboe said aloud, trying not to look at Kiba's bulging jacket that was full of cat.

You're researching Paradise aren't you?

"Maybe we should sit down," said Kiba as he tried desparetly to keep the kitten hidden. Moon didn't seem to want to stay a secret, however.

"Okay." The group wound their way through a maze of study tables, until they found one tucked away in a corner. Two bookcases obstructed any view someone might have. After Toboe plopped into a wooden chair, Kiba opened his jacket and Moon hopped out and immediately started to wash himself.

"Hey, I thought you were going to help us find Paradise."

Just give me a minute,the cat glared. Living on the street is murder for white fur.

"Could you tell me what he's saying?"

"…You don't think this is weird?"

Kiba tapped his forehead. "I had a little voice in here, but I haven't heard her in awhile. If you can hear cats, it just makes me seem sane."

"Very funny," Toboe pouted but related the cat's message. "Moon says that living on the street is murder for white fur."

"Tell me about it," Kiba rolled his eyes.

"Huh?"

"Nevermind." The two continued to watch the cat preen.

Could I have some privacy?

"Why don't you just tell us what we want to know, so we can start finding things out. Then you can clean yourself all you want."

Fine. Humans are so controlling…but you're not human, are you?

"Yes I am."

Whatever you say Mr. Wolf.

"I'm not a wolf!" he said incredulously.

Uh-huh.

Moon was giving him such a mocking stare that the boy nearly got up to smack him. Kiba intervened.

"I really don't like being out of the loop."

Tell your other wolf friend he needs to get some better ears.

Toboe told him.

"Well, maybe if you help us, that will happen," Kiba said trying to keep his cool against the sarcastic cat. He was getting angry at a cat he couldn't even hear.

Fine, fine.Moon circled once around the table then sat down. You fellows are looking for Paradise. The trouble is, you're here. I don't know what happened, but you seem to be the one who caused this disaster in the first place…I was happy with the old world.

As Moon spoke Toboe related everything to Kiba. Anyhow, there is a book the humans used to talk about that had stuff about Paradise and wolves. It was called the Book of Red Moon. We're in a library, so I thought you could use that.

Kiba and Toboe looked at one another. Finally, a place to start.

"Okay, Kiba you go look up the Book of Red Moon, I'll ask the librarian what books they have about wolves, and Moon you stay here until we come back."

You'd better come back.

"Sorry about that," the boy said as he stroked the cat. Then he looked up at Kiba with a smile. "Let's go!"

Neither of the boys wondered how the cat could remember everything. They were too worried about the future to ask about the past…for the moment.

--------------------------

Kiba didn't know where to start. He had never been to a library, but it was his job to find The Book of Red Moon…if it even existed. Kiba didn't totally trust the white cat. First, he stopped at the librarian counter, but, after waiting for ten minutes, he decided to check the card catalogue by himself.

Nothing was there.

So, he wandered around, looking up at the sections of information. British History. Fiction. Mystery. Kiba kept walking until he was at the very back of the library. Light from the tall gothic windows was clouded by dust and all the books were covered in cobwebs. The Legends and Lore section.

Kiba barely stopped as another sign took his interest. "**Restricted books, ID required**." The large wooden door was slightly ajar.

Playing by ear, Kiba glided through the open door and looked inside. The room was about the size of Toboe's living room and the walls were covered in glass cabinets of old books, covers worn from the years. He slowly walked around, taking in all the titles, but there was nothing saying The Book of Red Moon.

"Can I help you?"

Kiba froze and slowly turned around. Behind him was a woman with short black hair and ice blue eyes. Another person from his past.

"You shouldn't be in here," she said with a glare.

"I…I'm sorry…I was…I was looking for the bathroom."

The woman looked Kiba up and down. "Sure you were. You could be arrested for this. Most of these books are older than my great grandparents. If you had touched any of them…"

"I'm very sorry," Kiba said worried and judged how hard it would be to get past her and out the door.

To his surprise she smiled. "Don't worry, no harm done. I would have done the same thing if someone else left this door open. The sign makes it seem more interesting than it really is. Are you interested in old texts?"

"Well…"

"Because they're my specialty. I've worked at the library as long as I can remember, ever since I was a kid."

"I was wondering about this one book I heard about," might as well give it a try, Kiba thought.

"Oh really?" Her blue eyes were so kind, open. And he hadn't trusted them before. But, now…he had to. Blue eyes were his only link to Cheza.

"The Book of the Red Moon."

A cloud passed over her face, but it returned to its previous friendly state quickly. "I'm sorry. I've never heard of that one, and if we had it, I'd tell you. Books in a library shouldn't be a secret."

"I see." Another chance gone.

The woman shifted and looked at the book covered walls. "Well, I have to get to work, and if my boss sees you in here, he won't be too happy."

"Okay." He started to walk towards the door.

"Have we met before?" she asked quickly keeping her eyes fixed on the glass cabinets.

"No," Kiba would not let another person into this mess.

"Because you seem familiar."

"I just moved here yesterday."

"Oh," her face fell. "Well, if you need any help to find that book just ask for Aiko…but my friends call me Blue...I hope your arm gets better."

Kiba left before another person was tied to him and his path to Paradise.

------------

Please review!


	4. Succumb

Happy Holidays…well they're mostly over, but we can still hope for some snow days at least.

--------------

Kiba clutched his arm as he made his way back through the maze. All the shelves looked the same. Books. And he still wasn't closer to finding her.

Cheza was still gone.

And, meeting another person from his past just made the pain harder to bear. His memories came again, but, now, they focused on the girl with eyes like ice. She wasn't like them, but was at the same time. More importantly, she had died too.

Finally, he found the table they agreed to use as a base, tucked away in the corner. Moon was asleep on a padded chair and Toboe was bent over a book, reading intently. He looked up as soon as he heard Kiba.

"Any luck?"

"No," Kiba sat down. "Just another memory."

"Huh?"

"Nothing." Kiba glanced at Moon, asleep on the chair. The Book of Red Moon. It sounded familiar after the cat said it, but why couldn't he remember? Moon was so sure. He had answers…

"I found a book about wolves," Toboe said as he held up his find and derailed Kiba's train of thought. "Wolves have been extinct for a long time. They're almost like a myth, you know. There's a bunch of stuff about werewolves in here."

"Really." Kiba listened to Toboe's explanations of silver bullets and full moons as questions ran through his head. He was trying to order them again. Place some sort of meaning out of the chaos and answer them one by one. What was the Book of Red Moon? How did the cat know everything? Where was Cheza? Where were the moonflowers?

"Wait what did you just say?" Kiba snapped.

"Huh? Oh. Sometimes werewolves were commonly associated with flowers that only blossomed under the moon. These moonflowers were thought to be created by the Flowermaiden."

"Moonflowers…Do they have a picture?"

"No. Just a description. A four petaled white blossom that only opens at night…"

"I've seen them before, but where?" Of course he had. Images of moonflowers where everywhere in his mind as he saw them before death, creating a new world. But, he knew he had seen them somewhere else. Where? When?

"This flowermaiden," Toboe said doubtfully. "It makes me think…of Cheza. Could she have something to do with that?"

"Yes! Yes! I saw them where she must be now… But, maybe it was then. Why can't I remember?!"

Toboe got up and placed a comforting hand on Kiba's shoulder. "Don't worry. We'll find her and…we'll find paradise." He went back over and closed his book with a slam. Moon stretched his front legs out and flicked his tail.

Keep it down.

Kiba's head snapped up. He had heard that. The cat's voice. He knew it. But where? Who was this cat? Moon had put his head back down, and had his eyes closed. Kiba looked at him, trying to figure him out.

"I'm sorry we're being so loud, Moon."

One blue eye opened slowly. Warily.

"Hey, you heard that? That's great!" Toboe said, smiling broadly. Kiba didn't feel the same way. He kept an intent glare at the cat, who looked back at him with mild interest.

So, you got some better ears.

"It seems so." This voice. This voice. His dream.

"We'd better get going. It's so late already! I'm starving." Toboe picked up his book and trotted to the main desk to check it out. Kiba quickly picked up Moon and stuffed him in his jacket. The cat remained quiet.

"How did you know about that book?" He said quietly as they walked toward the large wooden doors of the exit. The library was an old cathedral and the stained glass windows made patterns on the floor. Kiba walked through the sea of color.

I'm tired.

Kiba stopped as Toboe got to the front desk.

"What are you hiding?" he whispered down to his jacket.

Nothing.

"WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?!"

Everyone was looking at Kiba now. As the silence of the library became deafening once again, people moved out from the aisles of books to see what had happened. Toboe turned around from the front desk to look at Kiba, who was just standing there looking down at the color stained ground. The boy glanced at the woman checking out his book. Blue was also staring at the former wolf.

"Ummm….sir…do you need some help with something?" she glided out from behind the desk. Toboe stayed frozen.

Blue moved closer to Kiba. He was shaking. The cat is the link, he thought. The real link. I have the answers right here! He opened his jacket and took Moon out.

"Who are you?!" he shouted and shook the cat. Audible snickers came from the bookshelves.

"Please! No animals in the library!" Blue pleaded. She had crept almost next to him. "Look," she whispered. "I let you off before, but you're making a scene. Please stop. I don't want to call the police." She tried to touch his shoulder, calm him down.

Kiba turned and bared his teeth. "Get back, half wolf," he growled. "I don't need your help."

"…half…wolf…"

He glanced around to see all the eyes on him as he still held the cat, who was desperately clawing at his hands. So many people. He looked at them all held their gazes, until he got back to Blue.

She didn't move. She didn't look away. The two just stared at one another, Kiba in pure anger at being cornered, and Blue…Blue was trying to make sense of the chaos he had just created.

Suddenly, Moon bit deeply into Kiba's hand. Blood red was added to the greens and blues of the light's painting on the floor. Before Kiba knew it, he had dropped Moon and the cat was out the door as someone walked in.

"NO!" He ran out one of the doors, knocking passersby as he lept down the stairs.

Back inside the library, people began to go back to their reading. A janitor came out of the back room to wipe up the blood. Everything became normal again, like nothing had happened, and Blue snapped out of her revery and headed back to the desk.

"I'm sorry," Toboe muttered as Blue returned.

"Do you know him?"

"Yeah…sometimes Kiba gets a little…riled up…"

"I've never seen him like that before…" Blue muttered.

"What? You know Kiba?!"

"Oh… of course not," she smiled sadly. "Here's your book."

---------------------

Toboe found Kiba sitting on a bench on the route home. He hadn't been too worried about his stunt (Toboe had gotten used to Kiba's mood swings) but the public setting had made him freeze in surprise.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked putting his book down on the bench and sitting.

"Moon knows something," Kiba said to the pavement. "He knows about our past…about Cheza."

"Yeah, I thought it was kinda strange the he knew about that book. Not to mention that he's a talking cat…" Toboe said thoughtfully. They sat in silence as the realization sank into Toboe. This was his fault. If he had been more careful about the strange cat, they could have captured him and learned more. It even occurred to the boy that their meeting had been prearranged. It was like Moon had been waiting for him in that cardboard box, by the end of the street. The cat had distracted Toboe when he saw that man outside the bookstore...Then, he had disappeared just as Kiba came into his life. The accident…

Toboe looked over at Kiba and sighed. "We'd better get home. It's not going to do us any good sitting out here. I'll make us some lunch."

Kiba nodded and they both got up.

"Don't worry. We'll figure it out."

But Kiba was already worried. As they walked, he kept his eyes down and followed Toboe's shadow. Black. His mind was black. He could barely remember Cheza's voice and it had only been…a day? Maybe it had been his imagination all along. This was ridiculous. There had never been a voice in the first place. It was all him going insane.

By the time they walked up four flights of stairs and were standing outside the apartment door, Kiba was ready to give up on Paradise…and Cheza.

"This is all a dream," he muttered. "I'm going to wake up normal."

"What?" Toboe said as he opened the door. "The lock was jammed. I wasn't paying attention, sorry."

He pushed the door opened and turned on the living room light.

Someone was lying on the couch.

Tsume had passed out. An empty bottle of Jack Daniels had toppled onto the floor beside him.

He woke up as Toboe slammed the door and rushed over to him.

"Tsume! What are you doing?! What happened?!"

His brother glared hazily at Toboe then looked past him. Kiba stood still.

"You," he pointed. "What the fuck did you do to me?"

----------------------

----------------------

Hige finished the last sentence of a chapter when he heard the door slam in the front hall. He looked up from his computer and smirked.

"Is that you, Blue?" he yelled, knowing the answer but keeping the daily ritual alive. It was a game they played. Blue got home everyday at exactly five thirty, and as Hige looked at the clock on his desk it was…six o'clock. The time must have passed him by as he became absorbed in his writing.

A few minutes staggered by, and Hige still didn't hear a response. Usually, he would have been greeted by a "You could get up and greet me after a hard day of work" from his lover as she came into his study and kissed him on the cheek. This was usually followed by a "I'm glad you're not dead." They didn't know why they always said this to each other, nearly everyday. But, it was true. To Hige's surprise, only silence echoed down the hallway; then, a few rustling noises as Blue probably took off her coat.

"Hey, don't make me come out there," he jibed and continued to type at his computer. Blue still didn't come in. So, he waited and shifted in his chair, losing his train of thought on the plot he was creating. Hige got up from the desk.

"Blue?"

As he padded down the hallway, fear entered his mind. In the six years he had known Blue, she would never ignore him (even if she was mad at him.) And, since the time they had lived together (about two years), they had always said the same things when the other came home. Now he was walking the narrow hallway to the front door of their apartment, and everything seemed different. He could almost smell it.

When he was almost to the alcove, he slowed and crept, picking an umbrella out of the stand, and holding it like a club. Something was wrong. Hige continued towards the living room, umbrella at the ready. Then, he saw her. Blue was leaning against the wall, staring out the window. Her shoes and coat were still on. Hige realized that she had left a trail of mud from the front door, very sloppy, very unlike Blue.

"Hey, why didn't you answer?"

"What?" she started and glanced at him. He dropped the umbrella. Then, Blue regained her pensive look as she turned her head and once again and studied the skyscrapers. "I'm sorry," she said with a sad smile. "I didn't hear you."

"Obviously not. Jeez, you scared the crap out of me. You sounded like a burglar…all silent and creepy. And, then I realized you were late; you could have been killed or something…" He moved closer. "Baby, what's wrong? You look terrible."

"Well thanks for the compliment," Blue answered wrily and sat on the couch, wiping an eye with the back of her hand.

"Have you been crying?!!" Now, Hige was very worried. Blue rarely shed a tear. He had taken her to the saddest movie he had ever seen (ended up bawling himself) and barely gotten a misty eye from Blue. Even the discovery of her father having cancer barely made an impression. (Though Hige was sure Blue was just trying to be strong for her pops.) Hige would never accuse Blue of being cold...but crying was so unlike her.

Now, she was sitting on their couch, fighting tears. "Let me take your coat," he said, slipping off the black jacket and slowly unwinding the red scarf from her neck. He dropped them on the floor and sat next to Blue, pulling her over to rest her head on his chest.

"Do you always have to wear this ratty, yellow thing?" she asked as she nestled into him.

"Hey. I love you, but don't diss the hoody. It's lucky…Don't change the subject!" Hige said suddenly, then felt sorry for the outburst. "Sorry…what happened to you, Baby?"

"What did happen," she said quietly.

"Come on. You're freaking me out," he coaxed in his usual dim way.

Blue got up and looked him in the eye.

"Do you remember when we first met?"

"Yeah, of course." Hige was totally confused. "Did…Did I do something wrong? Is it our anniversary or something?" He was grasping at straws and running all the important dates over in his head. What was going on? Nothing…Had the hospital called? Hige sucked in his breath.

"No," Blue looked away. A moment's silence passed. "I remember looking across the library on a summer day and seeing someone familiar putting a book back in the wrong section. You were standing in a ray of sunlight, wearing that silly hoody," she touched his arm, "and I knew."

"Knew what?" He let the shirt comment slide.

"I knew I was in love with you," she whispered and stared at the tv infront of the couch. "It sounds so dumb, but I had this feeling of déjà vu. And, I knew you and…And you felt it too! I know you did!" Blue slid a silver ring off her finger and gazed at tiny letters that wrapped themselves around the inside. "It was meant to be," she read aloud. "You have to know what I'm talking about. I'm not crazy!"

Blue looked at him in desperation. Hige had never seen her so frightened. He reached out a hand and placed it on her cheek. Blue closed her eyes.

"I remember seeing the most beautiful girl in the world," he said, "glaring at me in the library. I know her smile is even more beautiful, I thought to myself. I'd do anything to see her smile again. And, I'd never even seen you before. Sometimes things like that happen, like past lives or something like that. You're not crazy."

With his other hand, Hige opened Blue's fist in her lap and took out the ring she'd been clutching. He slipped it back on her finger and kissed her lightly. "Or maybe we're both crazy. Is that all that's been bothering you?" He leaned close and put his forehead against hers so they were nose to nose.

"I felt it again."

"Huh?" Blue smelled so good. So right. Hige could fall asleep against his fiancée right now.

"That feeling of knowing. I felt it again."

The words slowly melted into Hige, until he processed them. He bolted upright.

"Wait…are you saying…Are you in love with someone else?!!" Fear again clawed at him. But, fear of another kind. They were meant to be. God, Blue couldn't leave him. "Is that why…"

"No!" she yelled and looked almost like falling apart. She reached out for his hand and he let her hold it against her cheek.

"I just remember this person, this man in the library. He was in the restricted books section and he looked…he looked like I remember. But, more unsure…He used to be so sure…".

"Are you saying you know him?"

"No." She kissed his hand and put it down. "Maybe. We only met today. But, it was like with you," she held up her hand, "except I only feel he could be a friend."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I could tell he needed help. He still needs help…I think we can help him."

"Help who?"

"Kiba."

---------------------

When the answers seem so close,

the moon goes behind a cloud

and everything is black again.

But, the stars will

come out and shine in a different way.

They are always there,

unlike the moon, who

hides herself to make you look into the black.


	5. Clarity

Sorry for the long wait! I've been so busy (not to mention my major case of writer's block.) But, I'm back on track now with nothing to do, and a head full of ideas for this story! Thanks for continuing the story….

Everything was so cloudy, so hazy. How many had he drunk? Tsume couldn't even remember and he let the glass bottle topple to the floor as Toboe rushed over. Even in this state, Tsume knew his brother was the one close to him, something about him…his scent. The people's faces were blurry now, the two standing in his apartment and the ones running through his head. Now, he didn't have to see them….

And still Toboe was near him, saying something, asking, pleading. He hated to scare the Runt, but this was the only way. His head was almost silent, even if everything was spinning, blurred colors spinning. But, in the background, Tsume could still hear the voices, still hear the goddamn voices whispering about goddamn Paradise.

Tsume tried to focus. He was here, the bastard who had caused all this. Everything slowed down as Tsume looked away from Toboe's face. The door, he was standing in front of the door. That goddamn bastard was in his apartment.

"You," he said and pointed a shaky finger at Kiba. "What the fuck did you do to me?"

Tsume felt his brother shift attention. Now the runt was staring at Kiba too.

"Kiba…?" God, it felt good to have Toboe on his side, Tsume decided. He wasn't beside that son of a bitch anymore.

"No…I didn't do anything…"

"Don't fucking talk to me or I'll break your fucking neck. What's the matter? What's the matter?" Things were slipping. Words just came out of his mouth, and Tsume couldn't control them. Not that he wanted to. The images were nearly gone. "These goddamn movies running through my head! And you know what? You were there and you were there!" He said pointing at Kiba and Toboe. "I'm fucking Dorothy, and I'm not in Kansas. Why don't you tell me where I am, huh?" Tsume tried to lift himself up and the floor shifted underneath him, like a wave hitting a ship. He stumbled, regained balance and continued towards the blue eyes staring at him. "Where's Paradise!" he yelled, edging closer to Kiba. Tsume pressed the smaller boy into the door and looked down menacingly. Then, he bent down and whispered so only Kiba could hear. "Where's Chesa?"

"You know about…" Tsume wanted to hear the jackass's response, but all too soon, everything was silent and all he saw was black.

Kiba looked down at Tsume's passed out form. He didn't know what to do. This man knew about Chesa…maybe she hadn't been a dream.

"Kiba."

He startled once again, and saw Toboe across the room.

"I'm sorry, Kiba. Sometimes Tsume likes to…"

"No, it's not your fault." Kiba soothed as Toboe rubbed at his eye with the back of his hand.

"God, it's so embarrassing." Toboe muttered and got up from the couch. "Well, I guess I'll put him to bed. Hopefully he'll have a hell of a headache later tonight. God, what time is it even? Twelve in the afternoon?"

Toboe looked down at his brother's crumpled form and grumbled something under his breath. Then, he stooped and pulled at one of Tsume's arms, trying to move him across the carpeted floor. Sadly, the friction from the carpet (and his brother's weight) proved too much for the teen.

"You think you could give me a hand?"

Kiba dropped down and put Tsume's other arm around his shoulder, easily hoisting him up while his mind tried to take in the new events. This was too much. The talking cat, and now Tsume remembered something. Kiba could barely contain his desire to wake Tsume and get a better explanation. But, considering Tsume's level of intoxication, perhaps it was better to let him sleep it off.

Toboe hopped in front of him and opened the door to the austere bedroom. After pausing, Kiba went in, putting Tsume gently on the navy comforter.

"I'll take it from here," Toboe muttered and started to tuck Tsume into the small bed.

"Ummm, what should I…"

With a lighthearted smile, Toboe turned around. "I'll be out in a sec," Then with a serious look he added. "We need to talk about this."

Kiba went back into the living room and paced. Chesa. Chesa. Chesa. She was real. Someone else knew about her, remembered her. This thought touched Kiba with the slightest sense of jealousy, but his joy was so much greater, he barely noticed it.

As promised, Toboe came out soon after.

"So, about my drunken brother…"

"Yeah, he knew about Paradise."

"I wish he would have just told one of us."

"Maybe he didn't know until after we had gone to the library." Kiba sat down. "What do we do now?"

"Wait until the idiot wakes up. Based on the amount he drank," Toboe picked up the bottle, "I'd give him at least three hours."

Tsume was in the hospital. He knew it by the smell of that shit they used to keep it clean. The strength of the solvent hurt his nose.

Had he gotten himself that drunk? Maybe, he had gotten alcohol poisoning… Tsume seriously doubted that. He could handle his liquor.

And then, slowly, he realized he was a wolf again, a big grey wolf alone in an empty hospital, trotting around the hallways with no purpose.

This had to be a memory. No, none of those things were memories; they were hallucinations. Anyway, this felt like…now? Tsume turned again down a passageway. He didn't like were he was going, but his feet kept moving, all four of them, closer to the blue door.

Tsume.

And everything felt perfect. He had heard her voice, like a breeze through a field of flowers. _Please just speak again,_ he thought desperately. All the happiness inside him had erupted with that one utterance of his name.

Tsume remember.

_Anything for you Chesa._

He waited for her to respond. Every nerve in his body was on fire.

The hospital was on fire. The hallway burst into flames around him and he deftly lept backwards.

_Chesa!_

Tsume barely made out the whispered reply.

Help me.

"Chesa!" Tsume sat bolt upright, covered in sweat. How long had he been out? He took a quick glance at his bedside table. Six fifteen. Shit, that was longer than usual. Wait, something was different.

The pictures were gone! Everything was right inside Tsume's head. He hit his temple just to make sure nothing happened, and sure enough, it was still quiet. The only thing he was thinking about was how warm it was under the comforter. He pulled it off him and put his legs over the side of the bed.

And like an unwanted reflex, Tsume remembered his dream. But, this time, it didn't haunt him. The vision came as fact. This was something real…or close to real. _Chesa_ was real.

Tsume let the memories wash over him, took control of the tide, picked out what he wanted to see. He chose a memory of Chesa, in a cloak and pink rubber boots, running from bullets. Tsume smiled as he remembered running beside her…

and nearly wept as he realized Chesa was not meant for him.

But that wasn't important. What he needed…what _they_ needed was to find her. No matter what. He again went through the files of pictures, so neatly organized inside his head. They were more real than anything he could remember of this life. He watched the boy fall into the abyss.

Looked at Toboe's corpse.

Tsume had to stop. Action was necessary and he got up.

The door opened and Toboe was standing in the entrance.

"I thought I heard you wake up," he muttered, looking at the floor.

Tsume filed Toboe's death back into place, and went to his brother, hugging him tightly. "Don't worry."

A surprised Toboe wriggled out of his brother's grasp. "I wasn't worried, you get drunk at least once a month."

Tsume smiled, a genuine smile, which freaked out his little brother even more. "We'll find her, we'll find Chesa."

Toboe nearly died of shock.

Kiba found himself in a very awkward position. He was sitting between a confused Toboe…and a jolly Tsume.

"So," Kiba started. "I guess you know about Chesa."

"More than you it seems," Tsume said and tapped his forehead. "I can remember…everything." The white-haired man's mood became slightly more somber, then, "You know we were wolves right?"

"Yeah we've gotten past that point," Toboe said, looking at his brother, much like he might look at a wolf sitting at their kitchen table.

"Well, _I_ can't remember anything besides flashes...flashes. And, I even haven't had many of those since Chesa disappeared. Even after about a day ago, nothing." Kiba add, "So, can you tell us a little more?"

"Sorry, pal. Guess the gal left you with nothin'."

Kiba stiffened. "_I_ was able to talk to her until yesterday."

"Had a conversation with her just a minute ago."

Tsume's smug attitude was getting on Kiba's nerves. "Look, what are you trying to start?"

"Nothing." Tsume shrugged and smirked, looking off into the distance. "Her voice is so soft."

Kiba growled. "Get off it."

"Get off what?"

"I can talk to cats!" Toboe said loudly, making both the other former-wolves look at him. "Well, at least one cat. Remember Moon? Well, I guess you wouldn't Tsume, seeing as how you were in an accident and all. Anyway, Moon talked to me and told us about the Book of Red Moon, so we went to the library, but we couldn't find it. And then, Kiba though Moon was hiding something and it turned out he was and he ran away. Moon that is, Kiba is still right here." He pointed to the blue-eyed boy to emphasize his point.

"Umm, okay…" Tsume said. "I guess that fills me in on what I missed. What was I talking about?" Kiba also couldn't remember what he had been thinking prior to Toboe's litany.

"You were going to tell us about our past," Toboe smiled.

"Oh. In a nutshell, we were all wolves looking for Paradise. Chesa was our key and we had to find her. Bing Bam Boom, we opened Paradise (after all dying by the way) and…here we are." Tsume paused. "We're missing someone though. Fellow by the name of Hige."

Kiba looked up from studying the grain of the tabletop. "Hige? I remember that name. I think I had a dream about it…"

"Speaking of dreams, this all started with a dream about being a wolf and then this scary dude said something and poof, memories freaking cramming themselves in my brain. _Then_" Tsume emphasized, "while I was conked out, I had a dream I was in a hospital and Chesa was talking to me…she said we needed to help her."

"I think something happened to her and that's why I haven't been able to hear her."

"Yeah. Did I mention the hospital went up in flames at the end? That must have some sort of significance or something."

There was silence as the three of them pondered their next move.

"What should we do now?" Toboe looked at each of them.

"I don't know," Kiba said sullenly.

"I say, we try to find that cat. He knew something right?" Tsume got up.

"Yeah, but how are we going to find a cat in this city…"

Tsume ignored Toboe and went for the door. "I don't know. It's better than sitting around here waiting for her to talk to us again. Chesa is obviously in trouble, we need to get going."

To Toboe's surprise, Kiba stood up and went to the door with Tsume. So, shrugging his shoulders, Toboe followed suit.

Tsume turned the knob…

And outside the door stood a very startled Hige.


End file.
